You all seem to like it when I share my heart with you, so bare with me okay?
Lately, I have been feeling exhausted. I haven’t been feeling only mental exhaustion but emotional exhaustion as well. I have been trying to be giving. Which I hope I have. I have been doing my best to give and give and give. We are only two and a half weeks into the year and I have already given as much of myself as I could.
Then, when the exhaustion kicked in... so did the insecurities.
Does that make me selfish? Weak?
I do not know. But it does make me human.
Then, when the exhaustion kicked in... so did the insecurities.
Does that make me selfish? Weak?
I do not know. But it does make me human.
What did I do? The only thing I could, I turned to prayer.
But… I didn’t know what to say. I couldn’t find the words. I struggle with that sometimes. Finding words. So, I turned for help. I’ve mentioned A before, right? Well... I asked him, “How do I pray to recover from emotional exhaustion?”
But… I didn’t know what to say. I couldn’t find the words. I struggle with that sometimes. Finding words. So, I turned for help. I’ve mentioned A before, right? Well... I asked him, “How do I pray to recover from emotional exhaustion?”
He called me four hours later and reminded me of a few things:
1. Why he is one of my best friends.
2. Why a current or future boyfriend/husband must be strong in his faith.
3. I am NOT alone.
He spoke the truth I needed to hear.
“Krysten, when you are at your weakest… Which you are, God is the one that is carrying you. And he is preparing to do the most amazing things with you and with your life. But the question is… Are you going to let him?” he also said, “Krysten, this is an opportunity for you to learn and grow as a Christian. I wish I could pray with you, I really do. But I’m going to be your friend, your best friend, and let you battle it out with him. I’m rooting for you, but I can’t do this with you.”
“Krysten, when you are at your weakest… Which you are, God is the one that is carrying you. And he is preparing to do the most amazing things with you and with your life. But the question is… Are you going to let him?” he also said, “Krysten, this is an opportunity for you to learn and grow as a Christian. I wish I could pray with you, I really do. But I’m going to be your friend, your best friend, and let you battle it out with him. I’m rooting for you, but I can’t do this with you.”
And he was right. He couldn’t fight this battle with me. No matter how much I wanted him to.
I entered a losing battle. I knew that from the beginning. But I dove in anyway. There have been tears, pain, frustration, confusion, irritation, insecurities, just a plain mess in general. I lost... obviously. I broke down, yielded and submitted.
And it has been freeing.
I know that this was just one road block and there will be many more in the future... I cannot wait to share with you all that God does with me and will continue to do with me.
I entered a losing battle. I knew that from the beginning. But I dove in anyway. There have been tears, pain, frustration, confusion, irritation, insecurities, just a plain mess in general. I lost... obviously. I broke down, yielded and submitted.
And it has been freeing.
I have given him all of me to rebuild.
To mold me into the woman he intends for me to become.
I know that this was just one road block and there will be many more in the future... I cannot wait to share with you all that God does with me and will continue to do with me.
I’m ready, and it is going to be… Glorious.
Let's start a discussion, shall we?
What do YOU do when you can give no more?
What do YOU do when you can give no more?
I find when I am lost for words to pray, i turn to the word. I find it is downright silly of us to be at a loss for words to pray when jesus himself tells us how to pray and WHAT to pray. (matt 6. aka the lords prayer)...
ReplyDeleteI find when I am too tired, angry, broken or weak to conjure up my own personal words... I just say what God tells me to say. Such a simply prayer is so dynamic it covers any and every thing we will/have faced.
It is more freeing than simply "talking" to god, because i disconnect from my self and allow the spirit within me(gal2.20) to commune with Jesus himself. the two parts of the God head are working on my behalf through me.
it's so crazy and surreal to think about, being so active in supernatural affairs.
God is most pleased when we are on our knees. (lol. that rhymed!)
All in all.
He WANTS to carry us, if we just let him.
it's not always easy.... i know. But through Christ WE CAN DO THis!
Be strong in the lord krys!
<3 ∞
I read, I pray, I actively try to find ways to get my mind jumpstarted in the right direction. Thank you for sharing your thoughts!
ReplyDeleteVisiting you today from the No Rules Weekend hop.
I love that you are honest with your feelings and it's OK to be emotionally exhausted. Sometimes when we just don't know what to do anymore is when we are able to just give it to God and practice our faith. It's hard to let go and it's a learning process but when we do, great blessings come our way! Hang in there and keep praying and trusting God. It helps to also keep a prayer journal if you don't already. :)
ReplyDeleteHave a beautiful day!
Kayla